What I learned from Freshman Year

I had three freshman in 2011-2012. That's a lot of newness for any parent, not to mention the three offspring. Freshman year is a time of new beginnings, new paths, new directions. It is a time of challenge and growth. It is a time for parent and child alike to take stock and look for things which inspire passion and joy. There's a lot of change and adjustment to be weathered! And weather we did.

My first chick left the nest 5 years ago. He never really came back, just because that's the way his schooling worked. He was a baby then. He's not anymore. He's all grown up (with an occasional lapse into his interrupted adolescence) It was hard when he left, but clearly that faded in my memory, because I was totally unprepared for the kick in the gut on the departure of chick #2.

My first "middle child" has always been fiercely self-reliant, even when she was young. She did not often require hugs and cuddles. She valued her space. Once she chose her college, she was ready to leave. I knew there would be some adjustment, but she'd be OK. So she left, and successfully morphed into a newer, more grown up, even more independent chick. I learned she would share more with me from far away than she did while she was under the same roof--a good thing. I learned that she would listen, even if I thought she didn't hear. She has come home for the summer. Another adjustment. We're still trying to figure out what the new roles are for everyone. I missed her. I'll miss her when she leaves again. In some ways, I still miss her, because I'm still figuring out who she is. But this new woman in my house is pretty amazing.

The second middle child entered the first year of high school with something of a weight on his back and little tolerance for academic pursuits. He loved what he loved, but classes, homework, tedium were not high on that list. Then St Henry's happened. I learned that a new environment can change the world for one person. I learned that a young boy needs much different things from his teachers than a young girl does, and male teachers can add a dimension to the education process that an all-female group can not match. I don't know where to give credit--teachers present, teachers past, music, drama, Divine intervention, dumb luck, or a combination of all that and more. Whatever it was, I am eternally grateful. The boy walked out of his first year with a new confidence, new friends, new love for school, new faith, new passions to pursue. We like him, this new young man. We'll keep him.

The baby's Freshman year proved to be a turning point. Such excitement and high expectations greeted the beginning of the school year, but it took a while to get under way--about 4 extra weeks, in fact. When it did finally start, she joined her classmates in makeshift classrooms in borrowed space, not the best of circumstances but making do with what they could find while awaiting completion of their new school. She was off to a great start, and took on the challenge of the accelerated program with excitement. Somewhere along the way, that dimmed. I learned that my baby chick, when under stress, reacts physically. She was sick, and sick, and sick again. She could tell me she wasn't happy, but lacked the life experience to know why or the clarity to explain it. Had it not been for some tremendous new and old friendships, I think she'd have crashed and burned. Her friends, and a couple excellent educators, kept her afloat, and engaged, and helped her regroup. She finished strong. When faced with a decision to go back again, or take a different path, she struggled. We considered making the decision for her, but thought in the end it was something she had to choose for herself. I learned my daughter makes decisions like her mother--with much second-guessing. Only time will tell how she likes this new path, but she's thinks it's the right one for her, and so, then, do we.

I am taking stock of my own freshman education, too: Never underestimate the ability of your child to change--just when you think you have them pegged, you'll discover something totally new; Birth order makes a difference; Personal space, what is in it, and what isn't, is important; Each child requires a unique type of nurturing; Children never stop discovering things within themselves that bring them joy; Parenthood is about guiding, choosing, supporting, and loving unconditionally. You will make mistakes. It's OK; and most important, God will be there to hold you up, because he already knows how this all turns out, and he entrusted these little people to you anyway.