The Estrogen Factor

I can remember several years back, when I did a stint assisting in preschool classrooms. I loved the work, and I adored watching those little people when they adopted a "big people" stance. The differences between the boys and the girls was unmistakable. The girls were more affected by emotion, drama, and a distinct ability to dredge up a memory from last week if need be. They whined, cajoled, pitted one against the other, declared undying devotion, and ended the year the best of friends. The boys, on the other hand, would clash briefly, shrug, and move on.

Walk the halls or eavesdrop in the bathroom of any middle school, and you will find the same situations, multiplied exponentially. I don't know how students at these ages find the capacity to learn anything, what with their minds so saturated by the daily struggle of keeping the emotion boat from capsizing. It continues into high school and college, where the fights are bigger, the results more devastating, the psyches more fragile, and the environment made utterly dysfunctional by a wicked social caste system capable of knocking the most promising and confident young woman to her knees with one wrong wardrobe choice. Young men resist being dragged into a fray which is totally foreign to their thinking.

One hopes, as we become adults, that we move toward supporting and deepening our relationships with each other. We put the high drama and nonsense behind us, and look for ways to lift each other up. In many ways, we do break free of the crap. We are moved to reach out in compassion to those around us, ignoring the separation of work and leisure. We move beyond boundaries and borders to help those who may be strangers to us, out of a sense that it is the right thing to do. We develop a sisterhood, finding women who make us the best we can possibly be, who stand beside us thick and thin. Blessed indeed is the woman who, like me, can identify a few women we can call day or night, for whom we would mutually drop anything at any moment. Friendship among women is a deeply emotional bond. Those are true treasures in life, and women do that in a way men can only envy.

But any person who works in an office of women will tell you the dark side of estrogen is right there under the surface. One breach in the armor, and all hell breaks loose. When the drama is at its peak, and emotions are bouncing off walls like a light show in a house of mirrors, when gossip, rumor and sniping are the order of the day and bitchiness is the language of choice, you can be quite certain that a group of women are the primary players in the three ring circus. While we may not always like or condone this behavior in ourselves, when it happens--we get it. And the men around us are still standing at the sidelines shaking their heads.

The good thing about this gender-related quirk, if you will, is that it is not a constant. We can't maintain this level of conflict for long, so we find ways to get through it. Occasionally, all we need is a good bitch session--blow some steam, and the pressure eases. But we are strongest when we can focus our energies on improving that which fans the flames. We are catalysts for change. Good things come out of it: greater understanding, fairer policies, closer ties, new approaches and solutions to old problems. If at times there are painful endings, they open doors to other pathways. When the dust settles, we all brush ourselves off, proclaim our solidarity, and stand again as friends. And the men come back out of hiding.

Vive le difference!